You can do better than the appeal we recently received at home.
Really! And you probably do already.
This was a cold appeal. And they’re definitely harder to craft. You don’t know the audience as well, for one thing. This appeal was also from a large, well-known organization.
Sigh. And it’s mostly a brag-fest. They could have shortened it to: “Did you know how important we are? Let us tell you in the next 6-7 paragraphs!”
Out of focus
Very little of this appeal is actually directed toward the potential donor. It’s all about the organization.
I truly understand the impulse. It’s natural. When you think your work is critical, you’re sure that communicating its importance will certainly persuade people to feel the same way, right?
Here’s the truth: people – you, me, everyone – are innately interested in ourselves, in being seen. (That doesn’t mean we’re naturally selfish. More like, call my name, and I’ll look.) So if you want to grab someone’s interest, focus on them. Write to the kind person who likes to help. This isn’t stroking an ego as much as it’s about showing the reader that they are kind.
So if your goal is attention and then action, put yourself in the donor’s shoes. Show them why their generosity could do something important.
The bigger the wall you build between “us” and “you,” the less likely your potential donor will give.
Do better: How to show your good work
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t show your work. Of course, donors want to give to a cause that matters.
But they give to a cause that matters to them. Your donor wants to see herself as a good person, someone kind and giving. So instead of outright bragging, try stories. Then put your donor in the story. Stories about the people helped can communicate your organization’s good work in a way that’s more accessible to donors. And if you make the room, they can see themselves doing good things.
Help them put themselves in the story. Help them think “what if I needed that care?” Now you’ve made them part of the work. They’re not standing outside anymore.
Then… show them what that looks like. Let them imagine what their gift will accomplish. Let them feel good about themselves when they choose to help. Do this without patting your organization on the back.
Give your donors the credit in this scenario, not your organization.
You don’t need credit; you need donors.
Do better: Make it easy to read
This appeal was written in a slick sans-serif font. I’m sure it’s a cherished part of their “brand.” But it’s harder to read. Like it or hate it, a serif font is just easier to read on paper. Read this for some great tips on formatting and designing your appeal.
And they chose not to use any idents for paragraphs. Again… it might satisfy the organization’s brand police, but it’s just another barrier to connection with donors.
Do better: Show is better than tell
The cause here is important. The problem is life-threatening. So it’s frustrating to see that urgency wasted on “We’re number 1!”
These problems could have been easily avoided. Instead of promoting themselves, they could have focused on the reader. Is this a cause they worry about? (It’s a health-related charity.) There’s a potential connection.
- Are they proud that their state has this large organization?
- Did someone they love die from the disease?
- Can you show them your work with a moving story?
There are multiple ways to invite your donor in. Ways that are much more likely to result in a gift.
Do better: Focus on the reader
Focus on what the potential donor can accomplish.
Make it easy to read: serif font, large enough type, indent the paragraphs, and keep them short.
Instead of selling yourself, let your donor see themselves as someone who does good things.
When donors see themselves as the actors, not just funders, they’re much more likely to feel connected to the cause… and much more likely to give.
Leave a Reply