Why is it so damned hard to say thank you?

Why is it so hard to say thank you?

We spend a lot of time thinking about how to raise more money.

We labor over the appeal: the language, the images, the right ask.

And then, too often, we treat the thank you as an afterthought.

It’s not that hard to write a good, emotional thank you letter.

No harder than it is to write a dry, organization-focused piece of PR.

And if we’ve been paying any attention, we know that saying thank you well is about more than warm fuzzies. (Though I’m a big fan of warm fuzzies, myself.) A good, meaningful thank you is not just good manners. It’s good fundraising.

And yet. My mailbox and my inbox keep showing me dreck.

Forgive me if I’m a bit harsh here. But I’m going to say it straight out: there’s a good chance your thank you letter sucks.

You should pay attention and you should fix it. Yesterday.

Here are some of the most common mistakes I see.

Bad or no personalization

Folks. It’s 2024. If you got my check, you know my name. Also, if you got my check, you know my name isn’t Mrs. someone. There’s my name. My own name. Right by my husband’s, on the check.

A “Dear Friend” thank you isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. Don’t do it. In the days of typewriters, it might have been more excusable. Now, it just says “We’re too lazy to bother.”

Thinking thank you doesn’t matter

Well, it does. Both to your donor – and possibly, to you. Read this short article about how we tend to underestimate the power of gratitude. And how it makes the recipient – and the sender – feel.

tl;dr? It matters. A lot.

And if uncertainty is holding you back – if you’re unsure where to start – try this collection of posts about creating great thank you letters. And go to SOFII.org to read Lisa Sargent’s tutorial. And… get on the list to be alerted when her new book, Thankology, is ready to buy. Should be soon!

A hearty organizational pat on the back

This might come as a surprise to some: the thank you letter is all about the donor, not about how wonderful your organization is.

Every time you’re tempted to brag, turn it around and credit the donor instead. I’m sorry to tell you this (or maybe I’m not) but your hard work is not particularly compelling to your donor. You need funding, not kudos.

And guess what? They work hard, too. Then they come home and decide to send you some of the money they worked so hard for. That makes them important. That means they get the credit for your mission getting done.

Don’t be stingy. It takes nothing away from you to make your donor feel like a million bucks.

All about the Benjamins

Yes, you’re thanking a donor for sending you money. But if the letter leads with dollars, not gratitude, you’re missing the point.

Include the amount, for sure. Donors will want that information for their records. But it’s not the star here. The donor’s decision to give is what’s meaningful. It’s the work the donor is accomplishing through you that matters.

Also: the IRS does not belong in the body of your thank you. Stick that information at the bottom of the page. It might be needed, but it’s not what this letter should be about.

And please, don’t do this. I had to lower my gift from a significant one for me to a more reasonable one. This is an organization I’ve been involved with in several capacities for decades. They know me, personally. But when I had to decrease my gift (still a healthy amount, mind you) I received… a tax receipt. That’s it. Nothing more. Now, I think differently about them as a priority. Please don’t relegate what you consider “small” donors to a mere tax receipt. If they can send you a gift, you can send them a proper thank you.

All about business

If your letter reads like a proper business letter, you’ve failed.

And chances are, you’re uncomfortable about being emotional. Let me reassure you: there’s nothing unprofessional about emotion in fundraising. It’s how we communicate – if we want to be successful.

It may take a while to get comfortable. I understand. We’ve been taught all our lives to stifle those emotional urges in the office. Don’t cry, or someone will think you’re weak!

But our work is all about making connections. And people are emotional creatures. So if it’s not comfortable for you yet, spend some time thinking about it. Better yet, spend some time on the front lines of your organization’s work. It matters, right?

Are you in the wrong place?

If you’re still finding it impossible to dig up some genuine gratitude toward your donors, consider that you might be at the wrong organization – or in the wrong line of work entirely.

If you are passionate about the work, put it on the page. Your donor and you are working together to make something wonderful happen. Or stop something awful from happening. You’re side by side, working on that mission.

Except your donor isn’t getting paid. Your donor is paying to be there with you. Isn’t that worthy of some real, emotional, gratitude?

You can’t go too far if you’re being sincere. Everyone likes to be told they’re wonderful. That they matter. That they did something really good. Let it all out.

Thank you is only for some donors

Are you kidding me? Really? Listen: every donor matters. Keep saying it to yourself until you believe it.

Also, “big” donors often grow from “small” donors. That $10 gift might be a test. Or it might be the first of many $10 gifts – followed by a bequest.

Donors put up with a lot of nonsense

I’m a fundraiser and a donor. I see it from both sides. So I’m almost certainly less forgiving than most donors. Sadly, they’ve come to expect poor treatment. That bothers me – and it should bother you, too.

Saying thank you well can be one of the most rewarding parts of your job once you understand how important it is.

It gives you a moment to consider gratitude. A chance to remember you’re not alone in your work. And it matters.

So, apologies for my rant.

And thank you for your amazing, meaningful, exhausting work.

Photo by Titouan on Unsplash