Why your story is the key to moving hearts
I might not have opened the letter yesterday.
It was from Covenant House, a charity I supported only occasionally and long ago. But I did open it. And though I planned a different post to share with you this week, I knew I had to share this instead. You see, I don’t cry easily.
I first heard about Covenant House as a teen. Vin Scelsa was a DJ on WNEW in New York. He did the late-night show. This was in the days when DJs could still choose what they wanted to play and say. I clearly remember him talking about this organization that helped homeless kids in NY. (I think he ended the conversation by playing Springsteen’s Meeting Across the River. So you know he was my kind of guy.)
So why did this appeal grab me?
The storytelling is striking. We’re drawn in immediately. From the start, the narrator has us seeing things through his eyes.
But it’s soon clear the protagonist isn’t our narrator. We meet Jeremiah, a scared, lonely kid. He’s afraid to come in out of the cold.
We’re carried along as the narrator persuades him to come in. That succeeds, but we’re quickly taken to the next critical moment as we learn about Jeremiah’s story.
The narrator keeps us hooked with small successes followed by new revelations. We understand Jeremiah is every kid who needs a safe home. But it’s not until the end of the story that we realize Jeremiah is US, too.
It’s powerful stuff. And especially effective at Christmas time.
Covenant House has a target audience in mind. This is a letter intended to resonate with a religious audience. There’s a card enclosed, with a painting of Mary and baby Jesus. But that’s a good thing – it will really resonate with the intended audience. (Although, even with the religious language, I don’t know anyone this story wouldn’t move).
One last note: there’s a dime and a penny glued to the letter. I did open the letter because of them – I had to remove them before I could put the mailing in the recycling bin. So I assume their purpose is getting the envelope opened. The P.S. references them. But it does interrupt the flow of the letter for me.
So. Here for your perusal is an example of an effective appeal. Your mission might not be as immediately moving as homeless kids. But there’s something… and it’s your job to find it. Click on the text below and read this letter. Then go find your message and share it.
Covenant House appeal
Mary,
That was a great letter with a great story, and it did bring a tear to my eye too.
The pragmatic me doesn’t like the enclosed change, as year end appeals are expensive, and the thought that hundreds or thousands of letters that get sent out get thrown away without getting opened, it bothers me that money may being wasted, but then again, using that tactic might get more envelopes opened. It’s a gamble.
Hope you have a great holiday season and a great new year.
Thanks, Richard. And to you. (My assumption is they do it to get it opened, and that it’s been tested. But that’s just my guess).
It’s great to have stories like that to tell. I think you’d have to be completely incompetent to mess up an appeal if you have stories like that. Not to mention a budget like theirs. It’s almost cheating. Isn’t there much more to be learned from charities that are turning out brilliantly successful emotional appeals — in spite of not saving kids from a living hell? Now if I could just find some…
Well, here’s the thing. Yes, the need is quite obvious. But not so obvious that it hasn’t been filled. And sometimes the extent of the problem can inhibit people from acting. Thus the focus on one kid, one situation. We’re much more likely to act.
I’ve done lots of fundraising for arts organizations. It IS a slightly more nuanced case. I think the key is to find your audience. There are people who can feel passionately about your work. You need to talk to them, with stories they care about. You won’t have CH’s reach or budget. But you don’t have to have that to reach the smaller number of people who are or could be passionate about what you do.
Then the trick is not to focus on your “selling points” but on the donor and on those who benefit. (They might be the same in some cases).
You don’t have to save a homeless teen to be worthy of someone’s generosity. You have to show them how they (that one someone reading) have a chance to do something really great. Usually, I have to channel my inner theater-lover to put myself on that wavelength. It’s about getting to the emotion of it. But just do it carefully and remember your donor isn’t you.
I have a lovely little story, which focuses on one child. The body of the letter builds on that and its probably not bad. The hardest part is the subject line and the opening. I get a whiff of it, and when I try to flesh it out, it vanishes into thin air. I’ve also gotten a few great suggestions but once I try to implement any of them, the wrong side of my brain gets hold of it and ruins it. It seems to me that this is the most important skill to learn — to distract the editor’s mind and get him out of the way for a while. He’s very sincere and enthusiastic and really wants to help. But all he knows how to do is sound clever, figure things out and fix stuff. It’s the wrong kind of help.
“On the loneliest day of a homeless kid’s year, give him a Christmas miracle”, indeed. This is the work of an artist.
Indeed. The best advice I’ve gotten on that is just to write it. Know you’ll edit and edit some more later. But write first. Often, the best stuff happens after you’ve sort of warmed up and cleared your throat. Let it go, write whatever pops into your mind, just get it out. Then the editor in your brain can analyze to his heart’s content.
I stared at that line, “on the loneliest day…” and let it really sink in. Suddenly I knew what I needed to say in my subject line. It just popped out. Now for the rest…