Memorial gifts – the most emotional gift?
It’s not a gift you look forward to making – or inspiring. It represents someone’s loss and sadness – though also their hope.
As a fundraiser, a memorial gift is one of the most emotional gifts you will likely receive.
For me, the question is personal. When I lost my mom – and then my dad – several years ago, there were no plans in place about where to suggest people give. And given my own bad experience as a memorial donor, I was concerned. We wanted to thank people. And part of healing is knowing people are thinking of you.
A memorial gift should never be taken lightly. Yet, so often that’s how it’s treated. Why?
Here are the usual excuses:
- Memorial gifts are one-offs and the donors are not likely to give again
- Dealing with someone’s death is never comfortable
- Memorial gifts require more work
Donors who make a memorial gift are not likely to give again
This is a gift given to honor someone’s beloved friend or family member. The person making the gift chose your organization to express their loss positively. Please consider how important that honor is!
Your organization is being trusted to do work in the name of someone who has passed on. I don’t care if that gift is $10 or $10,000 – it matters.
I mentioned my own bad experience as a memorial donor. The treatment I received left me with bad feelings about the organization. And we were donors before this gift! Poor practice means they’ve likely lost at least one donor.
But of course, many memorial gifts will be one-time gifts. The donor is honoring the deceased’s cause, not necessarily her own. But that’s no certainty – unless you treat it as one. Read about my friend Pamela Grow’s experience. Had that organization treated her well, they’d have a dedicated donor today.
So do the right thing – which is also the smart thing. Treat these gifts with care and honor.
Then don’t stop communicating! Welcome them. Tell them again what their gift made possible. Don’t give up on them before you’ve even begun!
Death is uncomfortable
It is. It’s sad and complicated and something we’d love to avoid. But that’s why donors make these gifts – because there’s healing in giving. And there’s joy in remembering a loved one. And joy and healing are needed at these moments.
Are you stuck on how to acknowledge a memorial gift? Just be human.
You’ll have two different letters to send: to the family of the deceased and to the donor. But they will both need the same sensitivity.
If the person being remembered was a donor, say so. And be sure to credit that loved one with all the good work their gifts made possible. (Remember, this is not about your organization – it’s about the donor.)
Offer comfort where you can – tell the memorial donor or the family how the gift will be put to work. Let them know how the gift will be acknowledged. Add your condolences. Don’t worry about being perfect. It’s more important to be sincere. I like Ann Green’s suggestion of a handwritten thank-you note.
Lisa Sargent has a terrific article about writing the perfect memorial donation thank you letter. She also addresses what happens after you’ve acknowledged the gift.
This really isn’t the time to sell your organization. This is the time to be sensitive and caring. That’s the first and most important step in creating a longer relationship.
Memorial gifts require more work
Is it really so hard to write an additional letter? You know the answer.
Handling memorial gifts with care will be easier if you put procedures in place now, not after you receive a memorial gift. Set up the right information on your database. Write the outline of letters to the donor and the family. Be sure everyone on your staff understands how it should work.
Your actions determine whether this is a one-time gift. Or whether it’s the beginning of a donor relationship. Treat these special donors with extra care.
As is true with all fundraising, handling memorial gifts well means preparation and caring. Handled well, memorial gifts can be a gift to the donor, to people who are grieving, and to your organization.
I am so very sorry for your loss, Mary. Sending big hugs across the internet.
This topic is such an overlooked one in our industry. Thank you for bringing attention to it.
Thanks, Pam. It really is. And I understand how in the rush and bustle of every day it can get overlooked. But I hope your example and mine might remind people how important the people part of our work is.
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom, Mary. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time. I’m glad you took the time to address memorial gifts. It’s a missed opportunity for many organizations.
Thank you, Ann. And thanks for your great piece on the subject as well!
I like to call it *commemorative immortality*.
It’s part of our *Fantastic Four* ways to help supporters find meaning in their lives. You can see all four here:
http://imarketsmart.com/believe-in-the-fantastic-four-if-you-want-to-market-planned-gifts-the-right-way/
Mary, you know you’ve been in my heart. Now you’re on my retweet list, too! Turning your personal experience into sound advice for nonprofits is an example of the generous spirit with which your mom endowed you. Thanks. And I hope development directors everywhere take heed.
Thank you so much, Dennis. That’s very kind of you – and means a lot to me.
Dear Mary,
I am so sorry for your loss. My mother passed away almost six years ago and I still think of her every day but now I think of her as happy and healthy. Thank you for your heartfelt blog about memorial gifts. It is so important to thank the donors and let the family know about the donor’s thoughtfulness.
You are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time.
Kittie
Kittie, thank you so much! Kindness like yours takes some of the sting out of it all, for sure. Thank you for reaching out. And for your agreement!
I really had a good read today of your article. I amazingly look forward of reading more of your creations.
Thank you, Sandra!
Mary,
I am sorry in the loss of your mother.
Sensitivity and follow up with the donors is very important, we always send a list of the donors to the family member of names and addresses if we have them after we have thanked the donors, there is never a mention of amount of contribution to the family member.
Over the years I know there are memorial donors who did become long time donors to our NPO due to their first memorial gift and how I would like to believe, how they were treated.
Exactly! It seems too often, memorial donors are written off. But as you’ve seen, they can become committed donors! Thanks, Gary.