Feeling stressed?
In the United States, recent polls found that 70 percent of American workers consider their workplace a significant source of stress, whereas 51 percent report job stress reduces their productivity. (via PsychCentral)
Do we have to choose?
A while back, I read this article in the New York Times by Anne-Marie Slaughter about our toxic work world.
The article stayed in my mind. But I’ve been wrestling with how to write about it. That’s because I’ve been juggling family issues and an important project and feeling stressed myself.
I wasn’t surprised to read public health experts are concerned about stress. They call it an epidemic. More people are experiencing anxiety attacks and exhaustion. Must we choose between our work and our lives?
The article points out that in our culture, the people who succeed are healthy, young, and free from family obligations. The rest of us struggle along as best we can – juggling work and life and often dropping the ball.
The author cites a “distinctive American pathology of not making room for caregiving.” She points to a work culture set up for a past age. For a time when one partner worked and one partner was home and in charge of caregiving.
The reality today is that most children live in households where both parents work. And more people than ever before are working while caring for older relatives.
But caregiving is not valued as other work is.
That’s when it really hit home.
If our nonprofit organizations work to create a better, more egalitarian world, why do we see this mindset there?
Shouldn’t we value caregiving as an extension of our missions?
There’s so much to think about here:
- Gender inequality. Traditional roles die hard. More often than not, women are still the chief caregivers. That puts additional stress on them.
- Racial inequity. As Vu Le says, having to deal daily with racism, inequity, fragility, and unconscious bias wears you down
- Productivity. Is our all-work, all-the-time culture really working?
- Guilt. For our sector, work isn’t just an exchange of labor for money. People depend on us!
Gender inequality
The NYT article says girls achieve more in school, make up more than half the college population, and enter the workforce with higher salaries.
Yet the top positions in the corporate world are still held by men.
Women are smart and capable – but stressed more by the competing demands of home and work.
What does that mean in a sector like ours where women are the majority?
The Chronicle of Philanthropy shares that Candid’s 2023 Nonprofit Compensation Report finds female CEOs make 73 cents for each dollar male CEOs make.
And “Women represent the majority of CEOs at smaller organizations, but they represent less than one-third of CEOs at organizations in the largest budget band.”
That’s just CEOs. And what happens at the top reflects down.
Not so good.
And I have to believe it affects retention. Are we losing experienced, skilled people because their time and flexibility are more important than pay?
And if you’re not white, it’s so much worse.
Racial and gender biases create barriers to advancement for women of color, and education and training don’t help. (It’s not about them, it’s about the system… and us, individually.)
I hope that what I’ve been seeing is an awakening. I hope that the resurgence of the Black Lives Matter movement will help us see real change is urgently needed.
Those of us who are not BIPOC, it’s on us to make the changes needed. To educate ourselves and to advocate for a more equitable workplace. And yes, that might mean stepping back so someone else can step forward. Read this terrific piece on Instagram from @officialmillennialblack.
And do read this piece from Kishshana Palmer. I’m just getting to know her through online groups and she impresses me so much. But this is what we’re asking, and it’s not right.
Is working so much even productive?
I’ve seen several related stories lately about shorter workdays.
Swedish companies are trying it successfully. And Beth Kanter wrote about some US and UK organizations that are making wellness and flexibility priorities.
It seems likely that a 6-hour day can be as productive – or more – than an 8-hour day.
That fits my experience. Years ago I took a position that had been full-time. But I worked part-time and got more done in 15-20 hours a week.
I was experienced. I knew what I was doing, so I could be far more productive. But I was also attracted to the job because of the flexibility. It was a good situation for both my employer and me.
But how many employers would hesitate to pay an experienced person fairly for fewer hours?
Nonprofit guilt
A while back I wrote about the stress we all feel. When people depend on your fundraising success, how do you leave it at the office?
When everyone is overwhelmed and working late, how do you leave without feeling awful?
This is a leadership problem.
When staff is always overwhelmed with work, either there isn’t enough staff or the staff isn’t well-trained. There’s always more work than there are people-hours.
But the public has learned to look at personnel costs as “overhead”. Extra, wasteful expenses to be kept to a minimum so donors would know their gifts were focused only on the mission.
We know this is all wrong. And even the big charity watchdog groups are revising their rating system. But the myth remains.
Boards look at the expense side of the budget and worry.
But they could be looking at the income side – if they were willing to invest in fundraising.
Executive directors cut hours or personnel to make budgets work.
Instead, they could make the case for increased income and impact.
And nonprofit leaders model bad behavior themselves.
They take it as a badge of honor when they’re described as “married to their work” instead of modeling a balanced life.
We’re doing meaningful work. We accept we’ll likely be paid less than a position in the for-profit sector.
But does it mean we have to prioritize our work above our life?
Some suggestions
Let’s make an unapologetic case for our employees.
They deserve decent pay, sane hours, and human expectations. We need to remind funders, board members and nonprofit leaders that overhead is people and people do mission.
There’s a difference between volunteering and working for pay. Each is honorable, but we shouldn’t confuse them.
Overhaul the competitive system that equates time in the office with success.
The Covid-19 pandemic should teach us the value of flexibility. We should care about emotional health. And we should honor caregiving. Employees’ value should be measured by results, not hours at the desk.
Likewise, career growth shouldn’t be the prize won by the most aggressive, competitive staff members. Cooperation is good – and employees who are able to truly collaborate will further the organization’s mission.
We should see the lack of equity in our own workplaces.
Vu writes wonderfully about issues facing communities of color. Here’s just one: The Equity of Risk or Failure. If you don’t already read this blog, do yourself a favor and spend some time there. Let’s take a real look at our own organizations. And when we see the problems, let’s work to change them.
We should take a stand for ourselves.
How many jobs have you seen advertised as part-time with a full-time workload? A development director position listed as a “coordinator”? And job listings without a salary? Just say no. It’s going to be low, guaranteed.
How many organizations truly value their employees as people, not products?
Don’t accept unrealistic expectations. Do your best, most focused work. Then go home without guilt. Take a lunch break. Walk around the block.
Good employees get more done. Good employees build important relationships. They’re worth fighting for.
After giving it all we have, we should go home and have lives. We all should have time to care for the people who are important to us.
Here’s where you come in
I have more questions than answers. And it’s a big problem. But I want to hear from you.
- What are your life/work struggles?
- How have you found balance in your own life?
- How is your organization helping employees to stay well and work well?
- What can we change so our sector can lead the way toward a more sane view of work?
Your work or a life? A bad choice you shouldn’t have to make. Please share your thoughts in the comments. Or drop me an email. This could be the beginning of a long and needed conversation!
Thanks to Raka Rachgo for sharing their work on Unsplash.
Thanks for this important post, Mary. As a full-time ED and father of a toddler, with another baby arriving in March, I’m feeling the stress and pressure. Sometimes when I’m playing with my son, I think “Dammit, I have emails to respond to!” Then I feel guilty for having that thought. It’s tough, doing what we do. We need to give ourselves and each other a break.
We sure do, Vu! Because people often do silly things like have children. (I know, it’s amazing, right?) And then too often, that’s not seen as a joyful thing, but as evidence they’re less than committed at work.
We talk a lot about being a working mother. And we need lots more support and a change of outlook there. But it’s also hard for fathers. And people with parents or other loved ones who need care.
There has to be a more human, humane way to do what we do!
Thank YOU for all you do to push this. Every week, you’re a voice of sanity. And levity. 🙂
You covered a lot of ground with this one, Mary. It is complicated. There needs to be a paradigm shift in every aspect you covered…and change comes slowly. You said what needed to be said. Thank you.
Thank you, Rosemary! I know you certainly had years of juggling to do.
Thank you for writing about this. My organization lost two full time employees recently and decided not to replace those positions. Instead the ED opted to redistribute the work to remaining employees. I feel torn between the people we serve (that guilty, everyone is counting on me feeling) and making my time, happiness, and personal cash flow a priority. How long do I wait for it to get better.
It’s such a hard balance to strike! And your ED is undoubtedly being pressured – by the board, by funders – to cut expenses. This just pushes the problem down the hill, of course.
Ideally, investing in good fundraising would be smart. That means more staff and resources. Few are willing to take that jump, it seems.
I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. But yes… no matter how great the work your organization does, you need to be healthy to do the work well. Oxygen mask on you first, you know?
i recently left my ED position because I saw that this trend was intensifying, and I couldn’t find a real solution despite aggressive fundraising that doubled individual contributions. Now I do consulting to help nonprofits address this issue (along with work in the for profit sector). I always say, nonprofits are created to make people’s lives better, so it is against mission to make the lives of the people who work there miserable.
Right there with you! It’s hard to modulate the passion for mission so it fits into a human life. But we’re supposed to be making things better!
Arin, that’s such a commonsense way to put it! Thank you! Can we quote you on that?
I worked at an organization with the stated mission of empowering women and giving them independence. Most of the employees were women. The pay was dreadful. The benefits were few. Flexible hours? Forget it.
I made a deal with anyone I hired. I would help them learn to do their job and gain skills that would help them get their next one. When they thought they were ready to move up, they should talk to me; I would talk to them if I thought they were ready. I helped several of them into new, better-paying jobs, usually at other agencies. I was probably too lenient with them coming late or leaving early, and I found ways to give them comp time when I could after working major events. But I had to be sneaky, and I resented that.
I would have loved to stay in that job forever, but it was eating me whole. My health was awful. Stress was through the roof. People at the agency outside of my department were downright mean. It made me sad to leave, but it might have killed me to stay.
I speak out about it obliquely, but still work in this community, so have to be somewhat circumspect. I wish I didn’t feel so constrained.
I am always willing to talk to younger/less experienced nonprofit people who are struggling in case I can help them get out of these abusive situations. That’s what they are – abusive.
Great blog post. Up to us to turn it into change.
Andrea, I so feel for you! I’ve left jobs and have felt like I escaped an abusive relationship. I’ve left and felt like I’d broken up a long-time love affair.
It’s always hard to claim the space to have your own life when the needs are so big. But you have to. You deserve it – and you’ll do more good work when you have that balance.
I especially appreciate your mentoring of young staffers. The difference you made by doing that will ripple out for years!
Thank you for sharing your story – I think it’s one too many of us can understand.
Can you post your email or website for people wishing to talk about their situations at nonprofits?
Lisa, was this directed at me? You can contact me easily here in the comments or email me. (Just a click away!)
Aloha Mary, my surfing this morning brought me to your blog. Lucky me!
I used to head a NPO and worked all the time (All. The. Time.). I found it extremely rewarding work, and was very well compensated for it. I did not spend the level of quality time with my children that I later came to deeply regret. I fell into the reasoning that all the work I felt driven to do would also benefit my children the most, and therefore I must ‘sacrifice’ one for the other. And that it was…important.
My youngest was between 15 and 20 years of age during the height of my involvement.
It’s been quite a journey, having left that world over 15 years ago and it probably took me a good 10 or more years to understand the consequences of the choices I made. I sure wish I had your wisdom back then!
Now, as a holistic life coach, I choose to work part time. I also do pro bono work as well. Life is much more balanced, surprisingly more delightful and definitely less stressed!!
I will be sharing your thoughts with others who are not typically in fundraising.
The points you make and the questions you pose seem universal to me and timely. Or should I say timeless?
hugs (I’m in Hawaii: we hug here!)
Oh, hugs are always welcome! Stress-relieving, too.
It’s hard when you have to make a choice, I think. I moved to some part-time consulting after my second was born. I missed my “identity” as an employee of the organization terribly. But I gained precious time with him. But it was never a change without questions. I’ve since bounced from part-time positions to full-time positions… and finally now, to consulting. I have much more control over my schedule and can choose the work I want to do. That’s so helpful!
Thank you for sharing and commenting – and hugs back at you!
Oh gosh! This hit me where I live. I recently left a fundraising job because in trying to fulfil the mission to help people have better lives, I was jeopardizing my own well-being.
I’ve turned a corner and found a way to slow down, take care of myself, and still contribute to making the world a better place.
But, I agree with you. It’s a huge problem. And, culture is very hard to change. Before I left the job I read Brigid Schulte’s ‘Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time.’ It was very eye-opening and explored the issues you raise in your post in great depth and with a lot of heart. It was a tipping-point read for me.
I’ll leave you with a Jonathan Swift:
“May you live all the days of your life”
Maybe I’ll add a twist:
May you help your colleagues and communities live all their days too.
Thank you, Nadia. That’s great. I’ll have to look for the book. I applaud you for realizing you needed to make a change and doing it!
A great and important post, Mary. Thank you! And I second the recommendation for OVERWHELMED by Brigid Schulte.
Thanks, Richelle!
Mary, this is spot on! On a day-to-day level, we often don’t or aren’t permitted to question how we spend our time. For example, we should be able to answer “why am I here?” for every meeting and event we attend. And have permission to bow out if self-care, or caregiving, or family, are more important at any given moment. Time is a finite resource, too, and we often don’t remind one another of that truth in the nonprofit world.
So very true, Kathryn! Imagine how much more productive people could be if they weren’t torn about family and work. Or even work and work (like unnecessary meetings!)
Mary, I cannot thank you enough for your article.
In it you ask if the nonprofit sector is losing “experienced, skilled people because their time and flexibility are more important than pay”? To that I answer a resounding yes! I’ve spent the past six years fundraising for an art form I care about deeply. On paper, it’s a dream job. In reality, the stress level, time expectations, and culture of martyrdom are driving me to look for something else.
I’m not alone. Three of my close colleagues are making or have recently made a similar choice. One looked at me recently and said, “I’d rather be a barista than do this.” She was the Development Director of an important and respected institution in my field, and she was the best boss and fundraiser I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. I responded by admitting a similar wish to work the cash register at my grocery store.
Why are two highly-educated and smart women dreaming about low-wage employment? Because at least these jobs have achievable expectations, clear start and end times, and time away from work is truly yours to do with what you wish.
Our sector must change. I agree that it needs to start with leaders adopting a more balanced approach to their own lives, and leading by example.
Thanks again!
Thank you, Alison. Your story sounds so familiar! I’ve been there, too. As have so many friends and colleagues.
It’s got to take pushing a broader perspective, I think. As long as we’re all caught in the day to day, mailing out Tuesday, grant due Wednesday, will we make payroll this week mentality, there’s little hope.
I have said to leaders that they either cut programs to invest in fundraising… or get ready to close the organization up in a few years. I’m afraid I’ll be right.
Thanks for your hard work, Alison!
Wow!
Came across this, and it speaks what we are afraid to say.
As an ED I make sure my staff have the work life balance, so I pick up the slack to ensure they don’t too burnt out.
I have no idea on solutions, as need becomes more complex, as resources shrink, as expectations rise.
Donors and clients alike have incredible expectations and the second you push back “you don’t care”.
Your staff must be grateful… but it would be better if you could care for yourself, too!
I don’t think there is one solution, Francesca. But lots of things we can keep bringing out into the open. And you’re absolutely right – it becomes harder and harder when resources are scarce – usually the exact same time the need for us grows!
Thanks for your replies Francesca and Mary.
Francesca, I think you’re spot on that staff, board and donors can be way too quick to play the “you don’t care” card. Pointing fingers won’t help when we’re all working way too much.
I think Boards have a big role to play in this too. They need to be asking:
-How much comp and vacation time is being left on the table by staff at all levels?
-How many professional development dollars are being budgeted and spent?
-How late are people staying in the office or coming in on weekends? How much are they working at home?
-Are staff asking for flexible or part-time hours, and what is the response to those requests?
-And the biggie: how would staffers describe their stress level at work?
The high churn rate of development staffers suggests that too few board members are asking these questions. The price of their oversight is high. Board members make huge personal investments in organizations. I have to believe that once they hear the answers to questions like these, they will be motivated to link arms with their ED and make changes.
Completely agree! I think many board members would be surprised at how much time staff spend at work, and how stressful it can be.
Those are great questions and a great suggestion. Thank you!
I think a lot of this is about trust. If you don’t trust me, then why hire me? Set goals for me. Set tough goals for me. I am not afraid of a challenge! Does it matter if I do the work at 7 AM or 7 PM? If work 15 hours one day and four the next if the outcomes are consistently stellar? Set goals and then evaluate me based on that, not how well I sit at my desk from 9-5.
Yes. And think about smaller shops where the development person has to be away – talking with donors. Yet that then leaves an impression they’re not working.
Trust is key.