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You are here: Home / Annual Giving / Write a better fundraising appeal: keep it simple

Write a better fundraising appeal: keep it simple

writing practice
Write at a 4-6th grade level (Photo credit: whatnot)

You’ve probably heard this before. But my mailbox says too many writers are not taking it seriously.

You want to get read?

Keep your writing simple.

I’m talking 4th to 6th grade level simple.

Writing at a higher grade level doesn’t make your writing more impressive. It makes your writing less likely to be read.

Here’s what Jeff Brooks, a master of this, says in The Fundraiser’s Guide to Irresistible Communications:

If readers have to labor to read your fundraising message, they usually won’t bother. They’ll stop reading. If they don’t read it, they aren’t likely to respond.


I had a college professor who put it a different way. “If you make me read that sentence twice, it had better damned well be worth it!”

So how do you do that? Well, telling you what to do is easy. Doing it takes a little more work.

Jeff breaks it down into two simple things:

  1. Keep your sentences short
  2. Keep your words short


Keep your sentences short

Rewrite complex phrases. If you find a complex phrase, you may need to rethink the whole sentence. Sometimes complexity masks a lack of clarity. Go back and think about what you’re trying to say. Then try to say it as if you’re explaining it to a 6th grader.

Don’t depend on conjunctions to sew sentences together. I find I use them more at the beginning of sentences than in the middle. (Apologies to my grade school English teachers!)

If you find yourself stringing together lists, use bullets instead. You’ll get the same information across, but it will be much easier to skim.

Read what you’ve written to see what you can remove. The word “that” can often be taken out, for instance.

Brooks also suggests being stingy with adverbs and adjectives. If they’re not necessary, take them out.

Keep your words short

It sets my teeth on edge when someone writes “utilize” when “use” is a better word. Or “explicate” instead of “explain”. “Endeavor” instead of “try”. You get the idea.

Pretentious doesn’t impress. It gets in the way.

Sometimes a longer word works better. If it’s a word people commonly use, it might be the best choice.

It’s also a good idea to look at the number of syllables in a word. Many of us hear the words in our heads as we read. More syllables make the word seem more complex.

Here’s a list of complex words and simpler substitutes word for you. Give it a try.

Telling you what to do is easy. But doing it is not. I’ll rewrite this post after I run it through a readability test. Then I’ll keep editing until I’m sure it’s as clear as I can make it.

Let me know how I did.

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Filed Under: Annual Giving, Blog, Donor communications Tagged With: appeal writing, Writing, writing for donors 13 Comments

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Comments

  1. Febe Galvez-Voth says

    July 24, 2013 at 5:10 am

    Good advice. I find that people in our sector are particularly prone to puff up the rhetoric. Writing that is easy to understand wins every time.

    Reply
    • Mary Cahalane says

      July 24, 2013 at 1:24 pm

      It gets all too easy for us to fall into comfortable jargon. I think it’s part puffery (for our organizations of course, not ourselves) but also a lack of clarity. I know that’s when I’m most apt to do it. I know that’s when I need to stop and rethink the whole thing. If I can’t say it simply, it’s not a clear enough thought.

      Reply
  2. Febe Galvez-Voth says

    July 24, 2013 at 5:11 am

    Reblogged this on Everything Case (for Support).

    Reply
  3. Sylvie Labrosse (@SylvieinToronto) says

    July 24, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    good reminders and the list and readability test are definite keepers for me.

    Reply
    • Mary Cahalane says

      July 24, 2013 at 1:23 pm

      Oh good, Sylvie, I’m glad!

      Reply
  4. Sara Breen says

    July 25, 2013 at 11:00 am

    Great post. I absolutely HATE the word utilize!!

    Reply
    • Mary Cahalane says

      July 25, 2013 at 2:35 pm

      I was all ready to get a big hug this morning – but I was soaked from the downpour and didn’t want to wreck your clothes! 🙂 It was great to see you, even if for just a minute.

      Reply
  5. AMB says

    July 27, 2013 at 9:50 am

    Great post, Mary! Simplicity is much more personal and effective. After all, we wouldn’t ask our friends ‘to assist us in the selection of some breakfast cereals and publications to create a superior breakfast experience.” Rather we’d ask for their help in choosing some cereals and magazines so that we can enjoy a relaxing breakfast together. I don’t know why it is so tempting to write in such a complicated and formal manner. A conversational, friendly and simple style reads much better!

    Reply
    • Mary Cahalane says

      July 27, 2013 at 7:50 pm

      Absolutely! This isn’t a business letter. As you say, it should sound conversational and friendly. And simple!

      Thanks.

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. [Headlines] Making a Difference with Memes | says:
    July 30, 2013 at 10:03 am

    […] Write a better fundraising appeal: keep it simple You’ve probably heard this before. You want to get read? Keep your writing simple. I’m talking 4th to 6th grade level simple. By Mary Cahalane […]

    Reply
  2. Seven ways to strengthen your fall direct mail appeal. | Everything Case (for Support) says:
    August 15, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    […] the writing so it’s clear and easy to understand. Here’s good advice on keeping it […]

    Reply
  3. No fundraising plan? Don’t worry. Here’s what you can do. | Hands-On Fundraising says:
    October 7, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    […] to use it. That topic is bigger than a blog post. But I’ve written about writing your appeals here and here. How many to write? That will depend on your organization, your list and your budget. But […]

    Reply
  4. Beware these pitfalls if you want to raise money – Hands-On Fundraising says:
    October 14, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    […] a donor has to stop when reading to puzzle something out, you’ve probably already lost him. Use simple language instead. With loads of empathy and […]

    Reply

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