Makes me sound awful, doesn’t it?
“What a selfish person”, you’re thinking right now. But let me explain.
When you ask people to “give back” by making a gift to your organization, you’re setting up a relationship based on obligation. And transaction. Think carefully about whether that’s really what you want.
Are you looking for gifts made out of guilt?
Are you hoping for donors who give just because they have to?
Or are you hoping your donors will give and feel great about doing so?
Here are a few examples of organizations I’m connected to – and why.
I worked at Hartford Stage for almost 12 years.
They make great, often amazing, theater. And I love theater.
Those years were by no means easy. The work was hard, and sometimes complicated by difficult personalities.
But it was also rewarding, both professionally and personally. And I was honored to work with some of the people I worked with – from artists to co-workers.
I definitely paid my dues. I feel no obligation. I feel affection. And a continued commitment to the mission.
I also love my college.
The four years I spent at F&M were transformational. Yes, it’s a transformational stage of life. But the people I met, the learning I did… they all left an indelible mark on me. One that will last a lifetime. My connection is compounded because my husband and daughter are also F&M alumni.
But I don’t owe them. Hey, my parents paid for college. I feel no financial debt toward the place.
I just love it. Which is why I give – and also spend a fair amount of time volunteering.
There’s nothing transactional here. And I don’t think there should be. There’s a commitment to a great liberal arts college and the kids who are there today and tomorrow.
That’s so much stronger than “you owe us”.
A few years ago, a friend started Grace Cafe, a pay-what-you-can community cafe in Kentucky. I’ve been able to advise them over these first few years – which is both fun and satisfying. But giving to them doesn’t help my community. And other than my friend, I have no ties to Danville, KY.
But they’re going to get rid of hunger there.
Mind you, they’re not “striving to decrease food insecurity among vulnerable populations”. They’re getting rid of hunger. They’re feeding people. Everyone is welcome. And if you can’t pay, you can volunteer. No one gives up their dignity.
I’m not giving to “give back”. I’m giving to get something important done. Because I think people ought to eat, even if I don’t know them.
Donors aren’t debtors.
“Give back” implies a debt. It puts your donor or prospective donor in the uncomfortable position of debtor. That’s not the relationship you want.
Look, I owe my bank payments on a mortgage. I feel no affection for the bank. I don’t particularly care about them. We just pay them every month because their loan allowed us to buy our home.
It’s a purely transactional relationship. It will not last beyond the mortgage.
Giving is emotional, not transactional.
I give out of concern or affection or commitment. A gift is not a payment.
By definition, a gift is something freely given.
Do you want your donors calculating their debt to you? Grudgingly handing over money due?
Or do you want them thinking about what they can accomplish with you if they give?
Do you want them feeling obligated or committed? (There’s a difference there… one is a choice.)
Guilt can work, but only for so long. The satisfaction of generosity lasts much longer. And since it feels great, donors want to do it again.
What do you want your donors to feel?
A warm glow because they chose to be generous. Powerful, because their gift will change something for the better. Virtuous, connected to a community, satisfied.
Do you feel any of that when you pay your bills? Yeah, me either.
Words matter. How you feel about your donors matters, too. And it shows in the words you choose.
Choose carefully.
Photo by Olga DeLawrence on Unsplash
Mary,
I wish you had written this seven or eight years ago. The first appeal I ever wrote was for an organization that served the nonprofit community. It provided trainings, networking opportunities, and posted employment opportunities in the nonprofit sector for the community where I lived. It was a good organization that helped a lot of people find success, so I foolishly made the appeal sound like it was our members obligation to support it for all we did for them. And, it was a major failure.
The board gave its blessing on the appeal. They had seen similar appeals from other organizations, so they assumed it was a good appeal. The fact is, we were all wrong about that style.
It was a valuable learning experience that I had to learn, and that is how I came to discover my donor-centered philosophy that I still use now.
We’re all always learning! I see it used often, too. And I see so much lost opportunity.
Thanks for underlining the lesson, Richard!
Thank you, thank you! When I hear the phrase “giving back” I always say (out loud because it makes me angry), “What am I giving back for?” Only one charity ever helped me out (shout out to The Salvation Army), and I give them money throughout the year to help the unfortunate put food on their tables, as this is what the $10, given many years ago, did for my family. Other than that, if it’s not an individual, I owe them NOTHING. Oh, and I’m just waiting for someone to use this phrase to my face when they’re asking me for money, time, or anything else. I’ll look at them incredulously, and ask how I could possibly give “back” when I’ve never been given “to” by whatever charity it is because giving back indicates reciprocity.
“And other than my friend, I have no ties to Danville, KY.” But you do have ties to Kentucky – ME!! (originally from Henderson, Kentucky).
This is yet another fantastic blog by you that is not only helpful to for thinking about cultivating and keeping financial donors but that also relates directly to engaging volunteers as well. So many volunteerism campaigns – usually by third- party groups rather than the organizations that will actually involve volunteers – rely on the “give back!” theme. But I’ve never volunteered to “give back” – I’ve volunteered for all the reasons you’ve stated that you donate financially (and these are the same reasons I donate financially as well). Well done, Mary!
Thank you, Jayne! And yes, of course I do have you and your KY ties. (Shelly is really doing amazing things in Danville, BTW)
Mary, thank you for yet another reminder of what philanthropy means and the difference between fundraising (development) and begging. I mostly run into the “give-back” pitch when organizations are appealing to corporations. To the extent that businesses might think they should give back, they feel they’re already doing so by providing quality goods and/or services, creating jobs, and paying taxes. So, naturally, the give-back appeal seldom works. With all donors (individuals, foundations, and corporations), it’s essential to demonstrate how a donation will be used to produce a positive outcome.
Now, having said all that, I just want to point out that your parents did not pay 100% of your F&M education. Part of your education was paid for by generous donors who gave before you ever arrived on campus. That’s true throughout most of higher education. So, I can understand the temptation for colleges and universities to make the give-back argument. However, for all the reasons you stated, it’s a pretty lame argument, especially when a far better case for support can be made.
Well written. Applies to any group of stakeholders…including the board. Inspire them, connect with them, and ask them to consider a gift. But don’t position it as an obligation.
Exactly, Tommy! Thanks for reading – and for commenting.